Abandoned Forum

[PaullyPokketz]

Well, while I was finishing up work on my short story (I recently posted the intro here with postitive feedback), I decided to write a poem, because my mind was in a bit of a knot. I didn't really know where to go next with my story, so I tried writing something else for a change. It's not perfect (obviously), but so far, this is what I've got:

The sand at my feet,
With the wind at my back,
I’m trying to be noble,
So cut me some slack.

If death can become me,
Then let it be free.
The sun burns my eyes,
But yet, my soul can see.

When I fight the system,
It tangles even more.
The day I feel my pain,
Is the day I will soar.

Inside, I feel hatred,
And anger that runs deep.
The world would be much better,
If I just went to sleep.

I argue to no avail,
For what I feel is right.
And yet, my sorrow vanishes,
When I truly leave this plight.

My battles are internal;
Tingling through my nerves.
I strive to find a meaning,
Hidden beneath these words.


I’ve learned all of my lessons,
And tossed away my grief,
I’ve finally found the space,
Which enables me to breathe.

It seems like my job is to fight all these troubles,
But I wasn’t sent here to add to the struggle.

I will fly away,
Without any pain,
Anguish will never become me.

The sand at my feet,
With the wind at my back,
Happiness is just above me.


Tell me what you think

[Pimienta]

I really thought it was great

wow do you really feel all that

[Insanity test]

Thats really good. I dont know if it was intentional or not but i loved the change of format co-inciding with the change in mood.

I always find it's best to write whats on your mind or what your in the mood for. I you try to force yourself to write something when your not in the zone you'll nearly always find yourself re-writing it later. At least thats true of me.

Also its sometimes good to just sit down and write the first things that come to your mind. They may not seem like much at the time, but you never know when you might come across it and be inspired once again.

PS, theres a thread for poems if youd like to share any more, it just makes it easier to navigate, but a great poem! (Sorry to prattle)

[PaullyPokketz]

I really thought it was great

wow do you really feel all that

Mostly, although it depends on the day I'm having. It is mostly about myself, but when my mom read it I said i made it up.

But thats not to say that I impliment my solution, even though it's right in front of me. After I wrote that poem, i got into an argument with my dad, and after i remembered what i said about not fighting it and i just stopped talking. And it really did work

by the way, Insanity Test, I very much enjoy your prattling, it keeps me motivated. I did intend to change the pace, because I wanted people to see the change in my emotions as it went along. Good job noticing, i thought i was being subtle

I don't usually write poems, but I will keep it in mind for next time, thank you!

[Pimienta]

when you just stop talking it never works cause then they just fight at you until they run out of breath or you say something

[PaullyPokketz]

when you just stop talking it never works cause then they just fight at you until they run out of breath or you say something

Well, that's your opinion, I guess.

[Pimienta]

yeah it is just an onion
but if you ask me parents just like to argue
if they aren't arguing w/you either jokingly or really then they are unhappy
or at least thats how my parents are

sorry

[PaullyPokketz]

yeah it is just an onion
but if you ask me parents just like to argue
if they aren't arguing w/you either jokingly or really then they are unhappy
or at least thats how my parents are

sorry

It's not too off topic. That is mainly what my poem is about, no? I usually find that if you just show unconditional love, people will learn not to be so mean. It's not as easy as it sounds, and I really should practice what I preach.

But hey, at least I'm honest. Most people tell someone something, but they don't do it themselves, and they can't even see that.

It's sad if you ask me; not that I'm too different.

[Pimienta]

well I'm glad you are honest about it

unconditional love is hard and I wish I was better at it

[nil]

unconditional love is silly
unconditional hate is stupid
it is better to look adorably silly
than be annoyingly stupid
we need more silliness in this world
but what we see is only stupidity...

my two cents

[Pimienta]

that is more than I have

which is about .37 cents

[Insanity test]

I have a shekle! Does that count?

[Cherokee_girl]

what's a shekle???

[PaullyPokketz]

Okay, that seems a bit off topic

[Insanity test]

Sorry! (a shekle is one of the coins used in ancient rome)

Anyway! - many apologies