Life is funny. It seems like not too old ago, I forced a life form from my body and instantly fell in love with it. It had dark hair and was all eyes and smiles.

 A while later I looked up and she was blonde with curly hair and had the brightest eyes. She loved everyone and had a little brother to enjoy her life with. She loved to hear the violin being played and love all kinds of music. She would twirl and prance around the house.

If you asked her what she was going to be when she grew up she tell you, "I am going to be a ballerina !" She waited anxiously for school to start because she had read every book we owned. She was 3 at the time.

Most of you all know that I am not a younger person. But I am an adult with teenage children. When I joined Hat and here the moderator were notified so that way no one could say I was stalking. My daughter has now graduated high school and is of legal age (18).
The story "His Story" is about my son who is about 3 yrs younger than her and most of it is true, I did it from her point of view when we found out that he has Asperger's syndrome or that he is an "aspie". He is also a member of Hat. In fact there are several "aspies" on Hat that I personally know. But you would of never really known that.

My mom used to drive a blue car, now she drives a black car. They both begin with B. My mom likes colors that begin with B. She also thinks odd numbers are lucky. When she pumps gas, she won't stop pumping gas until all the numbers in the price equal an odd number. People always tell me mom is smart, I never really thought so, it seems like she has trouble understanding simplest things. But when I put the facts together I realize that she really is smart. She graduated first in her class then went to college for six years, not because she failed, but because she wanted to learn more then 4 years worth. Everyone tells me she had potential, she wanted to be a teacher, but she's not. She wanted to be a physiatrist, a singer, a lawyer, but she's not. She's a supervisor at a delivery company that does not require 6 years of college. It's hard not to think that I'm holding her back, not just me but the whole family. I can't but think, if my mom wouldn’t have got married she might be a teacher or a lawyer or a singer.

I always felt like I couldn't relate to people with siblings. I could not relate to the bond siblings seemed to have, or the need to protect a sibling. It ade me feel very left out from my friends who had siblings. The strange thing about this is that I do have a sibling, an older sister, a sister that I feel absolutly no connection with. We are only 4 years apart, but it seems like she has been out of the house for a long time, even though she still lives in the same house with me.
When we were younger we spent a lot more time together, but most the time we spent together, that I can remember, involves her friends. She would always bring her friends over and they would only spend time with me as a source of entertainment. If they got to bored they would call upon me knowing that they would be able to get me to humiliate myself in one way or another if they were creative enough about it. As a child my sister also liked to exercise her apparent power over me, she liked to make me fear her. Although I was a bit intimidated by her I was never scared of her. She wouldn't let me in her room, unless she invited me there first.

When did junk mails become part of our life?

What is the point of all the pointless spamming. They all got deleted in the end.

It's a crime in which the criminal is also the victim (they lost time, didn't they?)

When have time become so worthless? Isn't that the only thing in life you can't buy with money?

We all live a limited time. Why waste our valuable life posting spams and deleting spams? Has life become so worthless?

Everything is always better when you don't have it

Everyone always tells you to charish your youth. Television always leads me to beleive that my teen years should be my best years, and that someday I will reminice and yern for my teen years again. I am more then halfway through my teen years ( and there going by quite fast) and I have no memories to yern for. All I have is frustrations, most of my frustrations stem from the people I'm forced to spend time with. I don't like these people. The attraction of adulthood is that I would be practically adopting an entirly new life, with only fraction of my old life remaining. But some people keep the same life forever, my greatest fear is that this will happen to me.

I always used to think I was smart. By "people" I mean my mother and grandparents. My mom would love it if I was smart, she thinks she’s smart, and she wants me to be smart. I don't have the heart to tell her I'm actually dumb and can actually sometimes be very slow. Sometimes I think my mom's right, and I am actually really smart. Then I remember, everyone must think they are smart, who would do something or act in a certain way if they thought it was stupid? And who would argue about something if they knew they were wrong? No one. So after these thought I realize that I am just like every one else. But then I feel bad, because I would like to be smart. I respect smart people, I like smart people (although there are very few of them nowadays) I try to socialize with smart people, I like to be around them. So it does disappoint me when I come to the stark realization that I am completely average. I suppose there’s is nothing wrong with being average, after all, most people are average. Besides my family of course, people tend to think I am dumb, they don't always tell me, but I can tell they think I'm dumb. I always try to convince myself that this is because they are too dumb to "get me", which could be true, because most the people who think I'm dumb are quite dumb themselves. But of course I'm going to think that, I am me, I wouldn't think the way I think if I thought that way was wrong, so of course if someone thinks I'm dumb I'm going to think they're dumb, I'm biased. I need an outside opinion. I would ask my friends, but why are they my friends? Because they think like me. So of course they are going to think that someone who thinks I'm dumb would be dumb

In only 8 days I will be out of high school for good and only a week after that I will be out of our pityful middle of nowhere town for a while if not for good. I'm a bit scared, excited and sad all at once. what will I do away from the security of my family? how will I get along without my friends? And why do I have to go to the stupid ceremony for it? I really don't think that it is all that exciting to sit in a hot room waiting for my name to be called, silently wishing that somehow I could take all my friends with me so that I don't have to worry about whether I will ever see them again or not.

finally spring is here

there are a few flowers in bloom and the greates holiday ever was yesterday

Happy mayday to all

So today, I didn't sleep since 2:30pm when i woke up yesterday afternoon, and i am still not able to sleep, even though im seriously...needing sleep and becoming all derranged and giggly and such thanks to it. insomnia is bad.

 My Dad called me today, I am happy because he mailed me a whole heap of anime dvds he bought for me. But i am also sad cos he will go back to jakarta on friday, and i won't get to see him. 

My kittens have gone to the pet shop, and their mother and I miss them very much!

Some good news is im coming 35th or so in an article writing competition, and will probably win $5. yay, $5! I can buy like....a whole...half a packet of ciggarettes with that? but winning any little thing is fun. Lately, i've been entering lots of competitions and things, largely because i have too much time on my hands.

okay the subject was my psycho talk for today

The mexico mission team has left for spring break and for the first time in three years I am stuck at home. I am truely saddened by this but my friend promised to write me a journal and bring me souvenirs. Still I liked the people and she can't really bring me those. I could have just put my school work off for one more week and gone but oh well. 

so, i decidings i want start to write blog. so i will write stuff here from now on. ah, yes, a new place for me to come and complain about stuff! yay! i love to whinge!

i write stories, but unfortunately, i dont think i can post any of them here due to them being of a very adult nature. *cries*

if i write something which is appropriate and wont traumatise everyone's minds, then i'll post it.

today i am dazed and confused and all retarded and giggly from lack of sleep and cafeine addiction. thus my lack of goggness with the spellings and the sense-making and all that.

I have kittens! My kitty had babies a few weeks ago, and so now theres five fluffy mewy purry little demons harassing me almost constantly. Its bliss.

In a local play, a group of people are on a plane that is about to crash. The director wants us to be scared as though we are about to die. She asked us if we've ever been scared like that and everyone around me said yes. I've been in a lot of situations that could have ended in death. I even pictured that ending when the events were happening but I was never truely scared of it. Is there something wrong with that?

Vacation from school can be pretty depressing for me. Whenever we get a week or so off school most people make tons of plans. I just like to sit around and think, it is a theory of mine that if anyone thinks too mutch, they become horribly depressed, but the more depressed you become, the more you think, becoming more and more depressed. Whenever I become depressed I like reminisce about when I was a kid.
Being a little kid is quite possibly one of the best things that ever happened to me. I was always so unaware and happy. Even when I was bored I was ridiculously happy, I was actually probably most happy when I was bored. And the place I was most bored at was the park. My mom would take me there in the summertime, when she wanted me to play outside, but I never had any "fun" there. I would just lay in the grass and look at the clouds, I was so happy.