My mom used to drive a blue car, now she drives a black car. They both begin with B. My mom likes colors that begin with B. She also thinks odd numbers are lucky. When she pumps gas, she won't stop pumping gas until all the numbers in the price equal an odd number. People always tell me mom is smart, I never really thought so, it seems like she has trouble understanding simplest things. But when I put the facts together I realize that she really is smart. She graduated first in her class then went to college for six years, not because she failed, but because she wanted to learn more then 4 years worth. Everyone tells me she had potential, she wanted to be a teacher, but she's not. She wanted to be a physiatrist, a singer, a lawyer, but she's not. She's a supervisor at a delivery company that does not require 6 years of college. It's hard not to think that I'm holding her back, not just me but the whole family. I can't but think, if my mom wouldn’t have got married she might be a teacher or a lawyer or a singer.

I always felt like I couldn't relate to people with siblings. I could not relate to the bond siblings seemed to have, or the need to protect a sibling. It ade me feel very left out from my friends who had siblings. The strange thing about this is that I do have a sibling, an older sister, a sister that I feel absolutly no connection with. We are only 4 years apart, but it seems like she has been out of the house for a long time, even though she still lives in the same house with me.
When we were younger we spent a lot more time together, but most the time we spent together, that I can remember, involves her friends. She would always bring her friends over and they would only spend time with me as a source of entertainment. If they got to bored they would call upon me knowing that they would be able to get me to humiliate myself in one way or another if they were creative enough about it. As a child my sister also liked to exercise her apparent power over me, she liked to make me fear her. Although I was a bit intimidated by her I was never scared of her. She wouldn't let me in her room, unless she invited me there first.

Everything is always better when you don't have it

Everyone always tells you to charish your youth. Television always leads me to beleive that my teen years should be my best years, and that someday I will reminice and yern for my teen years again. I am more then halfway through my teen years ( and there going by quite fast) and I have no memories to yern for. All I have is frustrations, most of my frustrations stem from the people I'm forced to spend time with. I don't like these people. The attraction of adulthood is that I would be practically adopting an entirly new life, with only fraction of my old life remaining. But some people keep the same life forever, my greatest fear is that this will happen to me.

I always used to think I was smart. By "people" I mean my mother and grandparents. My mom would love it if I was smart, she thinks she’s smart, and she wants me to be smart. I don't have the heart to tell her I'm actually dumb and can actually sometimes be very slow. Sometimes I think my mom's right, and I am actually really smart. Then I remember, everyone must think they are smart, who would do something or act in a certain way if they thought it was stupid? And who would argue about something if they knew they were wrong? No one. So after these thought I realize that I am just like every one else. But then I feel bad, because I would like to be smart. I respect smart people, I like smart people (although there are very few of them nowadays) I try to socialize with smart people, I like to be around them. So it does disappoint me when I come to the stark realization that I am completely average. I suppose there’s is nothing wrong with being average, after all, most people are average. Besides my family of course, people tend to think I am dumb, they don't always tell me, but I can tell they think I'm dumb. I always try to convince myself that this is because they are too dumb to "get me", which could be true, because most the people who think I'm dumb are quite dumb themselves. But of course I'm going to think that, I am me, I wouldn't think the way I think if I thought that way was wrong, so of course if someone thinks I'm dumb I'm going to think they're dumb, I'm biased. I need an outside opinion. I would ask my friends, but why are they my friends? Because they think like me. So of course they are going to think that someone who thinks I'm dumb would be dumb

Vacation from school can be pretty depressing for me. Whenever we get a week or so off school most people make tons of plans. I just like to sit around and think, it is a theory of mine that if anyone thinks too mutch, they become horribly depressed, but the more depressed you become, the more you think, becoming more and more depressed. Whenever I become depressed I like reminisce about when I was a kid.
Being a little kid is quite possibly one of the best things that ever happened to me. I was always so unaware and happy. Even when I was bored I was ridiculously happy, I was actually probably most happy when I was bored. And the place I was most bored at was the park. My mom would take me there in the summertime, when she wanted me to play outside, but I never had any "fun" there. I would just lay in the grass and look at the clouds, I was so happy.

I was going to add to my story, I even wrote a few stroys then deleted them because I didn't find them satisfactory. Just letting you know I put forth the thought, I will defintly add to my story later, when I am in a more creative mindset.

Geez I am such a slacker

It always seems like it's alot easier to think in the dark. Somtimes I'll evenstay up realy late just to think, to clear my mind. Lately my mind has been pretty overloaded, it was realy late, eeryone in my house was asleep, the only light on was the one near my bed. I was just sitting there, singing a song I heard earlier that day, quietly of course. The song I was singing wasn't realy about anything in piticular, but you could tell it was written by a very confused person. I got up and began to pace my room, it was easier to think when I was moving, but in my room I didn't have much room to pace. I walked down into the living room, but I still wasn't satisfied. I finally decided that the best place to think would be outside.

 *Authors Note- I finally got time to write another entry to my story. It seems important to not that this piticular story is not true, at least not entirly true. I also think this is one of my weaker stories, I was distracted. Just so you know. And if you like it please leave a comment, or if you don't like it. I'm all for free speach.

When you don't talk much in school people tend to think you're smart. I'm not smart. I don't realy like the people in my school, so I don't have much to say to them, except maybe an insult here or there, thats probably why they don't like me either. To alot of people school is all about the social aspect, they only stay in school so they can be with their friends, the learning and homework are just annoyances. I guess I'm unusual in that I use school as a resource to suceed later in life, another reason people think I'm smart, it just means we have different priorities. The worst part of the school day is the bus ride. On my bus their are realy no rules, the bus driver dosn't care, she's too focused on the road and her paycheck. Being in high school, I am privilged to sit in the back of the bus with the other people in high school. Here I sit, in my seat on the bus, about the sixth seat from the back, starring out the window pondering things worth pondering, headphones in my cd player. The last song on the CD ends and I'm left listening to conversation of my bus mates, still with my headphones on. The first words I hear once the music stops come from a conceded boy I always had a hatred for, "Probably can't even hear us" followed by a laugh that sounded like a robot would have, if robots could laugh.

I have decided to take my blog into a new direction. Since I have nothing true thats interesting to write about, my blog is from here on out going to be a continuing story. If anything interesting does ever actualy happen, I'll just stick it in the story somewhere, try to determine actual events from fictional ones, It'll be a game. I am making no promises in regularity (I've learned my lesson)

Most people don't like the rain, this is one thing I have always found hard to understand. When it begins to rain people take great measures to aviod it, running across parking lots with their jackets over their heads, wearing ponchos and raincoats and umbrellas, even so,this strange avoidence of the human bodies most abundent substance is whats expected, thats why I was getting strange looks as I sat on a park bench calmly during a rainstorm.

Here I am. And here is the newest blog entry from me, nowhere man. How have i been you ask? Well i have been ok. Working hard in school. Still eagerly waiting summer. Lately the weather has been where it look very nice outside, but when you go out there its freezing. Deceptive weather, that would make an ok band name. But when summer comes I will defintly be having a constant good time, doing what, im not quite sure yet. I know I'm goanna be unicycling it up quite a bit, and perhaps riding my bike and skateboard and fourwheeler. Maybe i will try to ressurect the parachair idea. Probably not though. I know I'm kind of planning my summer a bit too soon. but This wheather is truly starting to bum me out. I think i will write a short story. Somthing science fictiony perhaps, yes that would be nice.

Well, the christmas holiday has came and went, soon is new years eve, then after that is school again  . I have been busy since christmas playing with my new unicycle that I got. i connot wait untill summer now, when I will ride both my unicycles around all day  . Well thats is the end of my blog entry for today. I just wanted my faithfull reader ( all zero of them) to know that I havnt forgotten about my blog, and I have been meaning to write in it for the longest time, but simply coulnt think of any thing. I plan to write another entry on new years eve. So see you all then

It is now 12:58 in the morning, everything in my house is alseep, excluding myself and my blackk and white cate, that slowly slivers by ocasonally to spy on me, it's yellow green eyes reflecting the darkness. The only light in the house is that of the computer monitor, the digital clock sitting on the television, and the street light from outside the window. When I look outside the window I see not only the street light with a birdhouse nailed to it, but also many spruce trees covered in snow, a snow covered path that was once a driveway, and the black starless sky. The feeling in the air is one of a very rare type of peace, the type that you only get when your awake at midnight in the winter time.

The first thing a loser does in the morning of course is wake up. Well after that the nerd gets dressed. Now this is the forst desicion of the day and a slightly important one especialy for a looser. It seems the fewer freinds you have the more critical people are of your clothing. So you have to pick clothes that people most certainly won't make fun of. Next the loser will brush his teeth. Because the loser got up so late, he now has to hurry to get ob the bus where he sits with one of his very few freinds and prepares to get mocked and pummled with mountain dew bottles all the way to school.When he gets there he reluctently goes to his locker and emptys the contents of his bookbag into his locker. He then goes to math class where he struggles to stay awake. On his way to science class someone makes fun of his shirt. In science class someone makes fun of his homework. In art class someone makes fun of his art. Finally comes lunch, a chance to sit with his three freinds and discuss loser things like star wars and video games. He then gets made fun of for putting peas on his salad, for his shirt several more times,for his badly brushed teeth and for his freinds. He tries to stick up for himself and his friends and fails resulting in more mocking. he then goes to spanish class where he getsin trouble for not doing his homework. Then he gets back on the bus. Gets even more bottles thrown at him, profanitys shouted at him, and his shirt made fun of(he should have been more carefull picking out his shirt.) He then gets off the bus, spends his night on the computer, watching tv and playing video games.

Every one has an opinion and thats just great. But most people think there opinion is right and every one elses opinion is wrong unless it's the same as theirs. I am some times guilty of that. i think the world would be a mutch better place to live in (as if we have a choice) if people didn't always try to make people see it their way and if they just excepted that everybody sees things differently. Another good thing would be if people didn't decide to hate some one else becoase they like to different things then they do, or if they have a different skin color and if they like to watch different television shows or some other meaningless junk like that. I think people should be nicer to eachother. If everyone was very nice to everyone else no matter what, there would be no reason to hate anyone, because I don't think anyone is realy bad.