Once upon a time in a land not so far away and a time not so long ago, a tortoise received word of his aunt's illness. so he pulled on his jacket and grabbed a bag of medicine for her and headed for Palor Lake. To get to Palor Lake, the tortoise would have to go through the land of the bizarre, the Belair woods.

Now in this time there were whispers of overly odd things happening in the heart of the woods but the tortoise was resolute on his journey and slowly began to plod down the path and towards the woods. "Sir, Sir. Don't go in there. Nothing good ever happens there." The speaker was a meek field mouse who was farming potatoes.

"Well at least you didn't say bad things always happen there so I think I will continue on my way." was the sharp reply of the tortoise.

"Oh but I've heard of especially bizarre things happening this time. Are you sure you want to go?" said the mouse timidly.

"I have a sick aunt at Palor Lake and I aim to get there before she's dead so if you'll excuse me, I've got to be going now." And on he walked despite the pleas of the timid mouse.

Inside the woods, the trees whispered the secrets of the dwellers to the breeze. The trees reached for the tortoise and asked him to stay but he would let nothing pull him from his task.

And the tortoise plodded past the towering trees, past the chippery chipmunks, and even past those bantering blissful birds. The tortoise began to think of his home.

At home all he had to do was eat and sleep day in and day out. Oh how horribly awfully painfully sinful it was to have to go through all this trouble for his aunt but on he trod.

Soon he came to an odd little clearing that was full of beeping. From behind a tree where the beeping seemed especially loud, came an odd-looking man.

"You don't look like you're from around here but who am I to say who's an alien in these parts?" remarked the tortoise.

The strange man pushed a few buttons on what looked like a watch. "Beep Beep," said the watch, then "Language... English." The strange man made a few guttural noises and the watch buzzed as it said, "Hello, would you like a fish?"

"Why would I want a fish? I don't even like fish." was the tortoise's harsh reply.

The watch buzzed and produced the noises that the man had made. Then the man spoke again, "A fish? What are you talking about?" the watch translated.

"Well you asked me if I wanted a fish."

"Confounded machine. I said shake not fish." The watch buzed as the strange man made quick angry noises. "Don't people shake on this planet? I don't even know how to shake but the manual clearly said..."

"Uh hum. What in the world are you talking about shakes and fish? next thing you know you'll be asking for a bear trap."

The watched buzzed, "Why in jupiter would I ask for one of those? I don't even know what it is. Here I am offering my best hello and you ask me about a bear trap. Go away."

So while he grumbled about the crazy little man, the tortoise plodded on. The buzzing and beeping faded into the chirping of birds. Plod, Plod, Plod, grumble, grumble, grumble, went the tortoise.

On the horizon, a giant boulder that looked almost like a fish materielized. The closer the tortoise came, the more it resembled a fish. Then right as he passed it, a low growl came from it. "Oh my poor head. Where am I?" said the rock.

"Oh no. first an odd little man, now a talking rock. What do you want?" grumbled the tortoise.

"Oh I have the worst headache ever and I would like to know where I am. I got blown here by a horrible storm and I'm so very thirsty."

"Join the club, I'm thirsty, hungry and tired but it's not even lunch time yet."

"What? here I am, an orca in the middle of the woods and you're grumbling about being thirsty."

"How can I care about an orca in the middle of the woods if I don't even know what an orca is?"

"Well you should. An orca lives in water and do you see any water here? Doesn't that say some thing about my predicament?"

"Well I'll tell you what, I don't really care about some fish's problem but there is an alien a few yards back who said something about a fish. Maybe he'll help you but I have to get through this forest before my aunt dies and I still have to eat so if you don't mind, good bye."

Plod, Plod, Plod, trod, trod, trod, on and on went the tortoise. He pulled out a Snickers bar and began to munch as he went. Plod, Plod, munch munch, trod trod, crunch crunch on and on he went.

Plunk plunk, squeak squeak, from behind a tree came the noises. Then in a booming voice came, "And now for our main event: The Worm Stompers VS the Dirt Eaters. Whichever gang wins this game will gain control over this neck of the woods. So lets hear it for our teams." A loud cheer resounded around the tortoise.

Coming through the trees, the tortoise was met with the sight of five worms in black leather jackets and five shrews in military issued uniforms.

From the side of a basketball court, a teddy bear hamster in a ref uniform came twirling a ball. From an ant in a tree next to the court, the booming voice sounded again, "Let the game begin."

Squeak squeak, plunk plunk, the game had started. The worms had the then the shrews rebounded... "pst psssssssssst... Would you like to buy a watch? I have all different colors. I even have different shapes." A worm in th esame out fit as the players was standing near the tortoise. About twenty watches were attached to his tail. "Well would you?" I haven't got all day you know."

"Listen bub. I don't want anything to do with some mafia and I don't have all day either. So good bye."

The last thing to fade into the forest as the tortoise left was the booming commentary of the ant. Boy what an ant.

Soon after the ants voice faded, a man in a skirt confronted the tortoise, and what a pretty skirt it was, all blue and green and purple, in a pretty lined pattern. There was even a small fur bag that acted like a pocket. In a scottish accent, the man said, "who goes there? I don't want to be bothered by any ambitious lads who only wish to steal me corn chisps."

"What are you? And what is a lad? Why did I have to meet all these crazy people?" wondered the tortoise.

"Haven't you ever heard of the mighty Hilanders? I come from Scottland."

"Well I don't suppose I should know what you are talking about since I don't know what anyone else in this forest is talking about so why don't you just let me pass."

"Let you pass? LET YOU PASS? That's the craziest thing I've ever heard. Why I would have to fight before I let you pass."

"Look over there. It's a lad and it's after your corn chips."

The crazy man spun around and ran off yelling curses to any man who touches his corn chips and the tortoise walked on. After a few paces, the trees began to thin and he could see the glimmer of the sun off the water. He had finally made it through the woods.

When he got past the last tree, he began to look for his aunt. A little further from the woods, he came to a railroad. Posted on a sign was: Palor lake to Tenor Lake and back thrice a day for three cents. The tortoise was from tenor lake so he began to grumble again, "Just my luck. Spend all day going through the woods and there's a railroad."

"Is that you dear." The voice was a grandmotherly voice. "Thank goodness. I thought I would have to call a search and rescue team for you." This was the tortoise's ill aunt though she didn't appear to be ill. "Did you bring me the medicine?"

The tortoise handed her the bag taht he had carried through the woods. His Aunt took it, opened it, and pulled out a...

...Wig. Yes that's right, a wig.

"WHAT? YOU MADE ME GET OUT OF BED, WAIT FOREVER TO EAT, AND TIRE OUT MY FEET FOR A STUPID WIG."

"Well I didn't think yould bring me this wig in time for my party if I didn't tell you it was urgent. You'll get over it dear."

Before another word could be said, a loud train whistle sounded. WHOOOOH WHOOOH. "Oh that train would have all my guests on it. Well don't look so down. I'm having a party and no one can look that way at a party. Maybe you should take a nap before the party."

So the tortoise went and took a nap. And when he woke up he found that all the strange and unusual people he had met on his trip were there. The alien had brought the orca who now lived happily in palor lake. The worms and the shrews had started a basketball game that no one seemed to stay out of. The hilander was running in circles trying to find his corn chips. The potatoe farmer was making french fries. The birds were chirping and the chipmunks were running and everyone was happy. Even the grumpy tortoise found that the party lifted his spirits and the french fries were good.

Moral: Sometimes it takes something urgent to get some one out of bed long enough for an adventure.