Funny quotes of the day

Funny Quote of the DayFunny Quote of the Day from BrainyQuote.com

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1 year 7 weeks ago

November 14, 2007

09:53
"We'll love you just the way you are if you're perfect."
09:53
"Parrots make great pets. They have more personality than goldfish."

November 11, 2007

06:00
"My father would take me to the playground, and put me on mood swings."

November 8, 2007

06:00
"The reason there are two senators for each state is so that one can be the designated driver."
06:00
"The only time a woman really succeeds in changing a man is when he is a baby."

November 6, 2007

06:00
"What I like to drink most is wine that belongs to others."

November 5, 2007

06:00
"There are parts of me that I feel are beautiful, but they don't have anything to do with my nose."

November 4, 2007

06:00
"A camel makes an elephant feel like a jet plane."

November 3, 2007

05:00
"Roses are red, violets are blue, I'm schizophrenic, and so am I."

November 1, 2007

05:00
"Smoking kills. If you're killed, you've lost a very important part of your life."

October 31, 2007

05:01
"Writing books is the closest men ever come to childbearing."
05:01
"Vote for the man who promises least; he'll be the least disappointing."

October 29, 2007

05:06
"You can find your way across this country using burger joints the way a navigator uses stars."

October 28, 2007

05:06
"The first time I sang in the church choir; two hundred people changed their religion."

October 27, 2007

05:00
"Be obscure clearly."

October 26, 2007

05:00
"Happiness is having a large, loving, caring, close-knit family in another city."

October 25, 2007

05:00
"I want my children to have all the things I couldn't afford. Then I want to move in with them."

October 24, 2007

05:00
"Forty for you, sixty for me. And equal partners we will be."

October 23, 2007

05:00
"In Hollywood a marriage is a success if it outlasts milk."

October 22, 2007

05:01
"I have a wonderful make-up crew. They're the same people restoring the Statue of Liberty."