adoption

One of my all-time favorite quotes in life is: "Keep what's worth keeping and, with the breathe of kindness, blow the rest away." As I read the other's reviews, I was reminded of this axiom. In my opinion, Sherrie's book contains much that is worth keeping.

As an adoptee, I too am not certain that I would "adopt" in whole all of the suggestions Sherrie offers for addressing potential problems in the life of an adopted child. But I think she does an excellent job of raising awareness of the issues that might lie underneath the surface of seemingly well-adjusted children. This is insight that I would value as an adoptive parent.

I encountered Sherrie's book when I was an adult struggling with a number of adoption-related issues and found it to be a very helpful resource. Though I could not relate to all the conflicts mentioned, Sherrie's book helped give voice to much that I had struggled with and was particularly helpful in forging a bridge between my adoptive father and me. One of the sweetest conversations my Dad and I ever shared followed shortly after him completing Sherrie's book. He paged me at work to say, "Lori, I want to apologize for all the things I did not understand when I was raising you. You know, there wasn't a book written then, but I understand now."

To me, that's the best review a book could receive: the strengthening of bonds between an adoptive parent and child by building bridges of understanding.

This book has started our family on a journey of recognizing "adoption loss" and learning to deal with it in a positive manner. Was the information Sherrie Eldridge presented in "Twenty Things Adopted Kids Wish Their Adoptive Parents Knew" what I WANTED to hear? NO! Was it what I NEEDED to hear? YES!!!!!!!

As the mother of an adopted teen, I did not want to read of the many problems that adoptees face. I wanted to be told, as many other books do, that you should treat the child as your biological child and "all will be OK." But "all was not OK" and in a search for answers, I was fortunate enough to have this book recommended to me. I am thankful that Sherrie "told it as it is." No, it was not easy reading--in fact, I found much of it quite depressing. BUT it opened my eyes to the loss that my child was feeling and why that "loss" was making her feel and act the way she does. Even though I will never be able to feel exactly as she feels, this book certainly gave me a "start in that direction."

ANYONE who is touched by adoption should read this book and continue with the newest book "Twenty Life Transforming Choices Adoptees Need to Make"---a very positive book that gives choices that point the adoptee to newfound joy and peace.

Frankly, after reading this book I nearly pulled the plug on our adoption process. It certainly gave me food for thought, but her notions of the Primal Wound left me reeling, and she put such a negative spin on adoption that I wondered why on earth anyone would want to do it. Fortunately our adoption agency offers some terrific pre-adoption workshops and I have regained a much more optomistic outlook about the whole process. I wish the author had acknowledged in a meaningful way that adoption is treated much differently today than it was when she was a child. We'd all be foolish not to think that our children will not have some emotional and/or developmental issues related to their adoption, but I felt this book took an extreme and damaging approach.